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Building, Rather Than "Moving On"?
I think I finally understand why that concept of "moving on" is so upsetting and un-do-able to me -- Unlike so many
people, I have never thought of life or being alive as a
journey.
As I think about it, neither did my John.
I know that is unusual. I guess tho we all experience the same emotions and feelings, we all have different concepts of life,
some similar, some different...?
To me, being alive is a foundation -- and on that we work to build, create our lives,
do our best to create with our lives what is important to us and others, good and positive things that mean so much to ourselves
and others.
This was what John and I had been doing individually before we met each other all those years ago, and
what we have been doing together for 28 years, as a team, with our love for each other being the spirit of it all, keeping
us together thru the worst times and the best times and all
points between, neither of us wanting to imagine the horror
of trying to keep on building a life without the other.
But now the unimaginable horror has happened -- my John is
gone, he is in the cemetery with no more life in him, and I am sick inside, alone without him. I am devastated and miserable
and my life is shattered.
I am still alive, breathing, getting by hour by hour of each day with little energy, hanging
on by a thread, hoping to protect and preserve all that is left of what we built for ourselves, hoping that I can someday
have the strength to keep building on it and my life, tho I can never repair the damage and devastation of John not being
alive anymore.
As long as I am alive, my husband and his love and everything we shared for 28 years will always be
with me. Our bond will always be there.
I guess maybe the concept of moving on makes good sense if one sees life
as a journey, but I just never have, for whatever reason -- I just see it as our foundation to build on --
Hugs,
Linda John Garvey 12/29/30 - 2/10-00
John, my husband, my life, my sweetheart, I will always love you and
miss
you -- with all my heart, Linda
catalinacats@ispchannel.com
http://www.catalinaislandcats.com The Catalina
Island Cats
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